I went to an all-girls high school. Everybody would expect people like me to become always prim and proper, and always obedient with what the authority tell me to do. Well, the opposite is much more apparent. Spending six years in an exclusive school for girls formed me to become more like a woman for others than the conservative woman waiting for her knight to come. My school made sure that we are being formed into socially pro-active individuals so that once we come out to the bigger world, we do not become ignorant and we know how to fight for our rights. To be honest, I used to just think of social involvements before as a hassle because I used to believe that everything can be learned sitting in one desk at school. However, the experience of seeing the people we helped smile widely after our encounters and say grateful words to us became my trigger points. I realized the experience of going out and exposing myself to the world helped me become more appreciative and grateful, as a person.

Last March 16 and 23, I felt like I went back to my most remarkable experience above when we went to Munting Pamayanan for our BINHI insertion. Our “main goal” for this insertion is to immerse ourselves with the families in that community and listen to their stories as we also share ours. After those two half-Saturdays, I felt like I achieved that goal and even gained more than what I expected. I, together with Kyle and Jaaz, were assigned to the family of Ate Jeniffer. There was a little girl there named Janet and I saw my younger self in her. She was carefree and playful but I know that she loves her mother so much.

Playing with her, I felt like an older sister (which I never became because I am the youngest in the family). I liked how our personalities matched despite the age difference and we somehow got close with each other even though we only met for two Saturdays. Growing up, I was also not raised in a luxurious environment. We lived in the marginalized area in Malanday, Marikina until my mother got a stable position in the academe. My father also came from the province and know little about the city life. I went to a public school in elementary and bonded with my neighbors over paper dolls instead of Barbies and street games instead of going to arcades/Disneyland. Unlike most of my classmates in the Ateneo, I can say that I am more familiar with Janet’s context.

So, how can I be so sure of that?

According to Pierre Bourdieu (1980), we all possess a habitus. Habitus are the “structured structures predisposed to function as structuring structures”. Basically, these are the dispositions we acquired in our early childhood social interactions and became ingrained in our selves as we grew up. In my case, I was raised in a Filipino-speaking household so I do not find any trouble in conversing and expressing my thoughts in Filipino, but, on the other hand, finds it hard to converse sometimes in English. Habitus differ in every individual but I believe we, our contexts, are all interrelated and thus affecting each other’s. Through social interactions like what happened between me and Janet, we are able to learn of each others’ stories. Getting raised in a similar environment as hers made it easier for me to bond with her and understand her jokes, apprehensions, and actions.

Like what I mentioned above, I went to a lot of social involvement activities in High school but after quite a long time, I kind of got myself “involved” again through BINHI. I was really grateful Ateneo has these kinds of activities, although it could have been more than two half-Saturdays. I love how I got to get a break from the hectic schedule I have for acads during that time. It was really a memorable experience that I would always want to go back to even in the future.

The last part of this entry shows the intersectionality diagram I made for myself. The colored lines represent my strongest identities. It’s sad to look at because based on this diagram, most of my identities such as being female, gender deviant, etc. belong to the oppressed section rather than the privileged. I don’t believe though in the credibility that this diagram holds because being female, being Asian, and being a bisexual do not limit me as a person; instead these traits pushed me to become more free and expressive of my feelings and thoughts. These identities also helped me interact with the people in the community we went through because I easily found connection with them because, for instance, unlike what people expect from Ateneans to be like, I am more proficient in using Filipino when conversing so I got to share my stories to them in a comfortable way also.

References:

Swartz, David (2002). The Sociology of Habit: The
Perspective of Pierre Bourdieu. The Occupational
Therapy Journal of Research. 61-69.

[Disclaimer: This entry is dedicated for women empowerment. All the views and opinions stated here speak solely for the author and have no connection to any outside party. Any type of comment or reaction will be officially dealt with below in the comments section. Happy reading!]

One time, I was walking home from class. I was so hot because it was 2:00 in the afternoon, I was wearing jeans and a school shirt, and I was sweaty all over. Then, one man in his old forties, riding a bike, sped past me muttering, “Hi, ganda!” as he passed by. He was decent-looking, like a responsible man in the house. At first, I was shocked and I remember being a little scared that time because the road was so quiet and everyone was inside their houses. It was only me and the man in the street. Suddenly, thoughts of panic dawned on me.

“What if he comes back and pulls me into the side of the road which no one can see?”

I was not even dressed provocatively that time like most people reason out whenever a woman gets cat-called. I was, simply put, haggard-looking. Nevertheless, despite being eaten by fear, a stronger urgency to fight back and call his attention was channeled from my insides. Hadn’t it been in the hottest hours of the day and I wanted to go home, I would have confronted that man.

Here’s another story. I have a friend who was in a relationship with a guy that is 4 years older back in 2016. They met each other in their parish, where they were both part of the same ministry. It was the kind of love story that’s “you and me against all odds”. For most of the time, we thought they were getting by just fine, until one day our friend cried to us because, apparently, they’ve broken up. So, we were like, “What happened?” It turned out that the guy asked her to have *** with him. Appalled, she straightforwardly said “NO!” After that, the guy became cold and eventually broke up with her after a couple of days. Now, after that unhealthy relationship has ended, my friend was able to make 6-digits in her bank account and even managed to be the Class Valedictorian for our batch.

Well, I can hear the two stories above screaming “GIRLS!”

Those speak of the non-traditional portrayal of women in society. Due to social constructs, our roles in society are limited by our sexuality or biological qualities. Society has crafted “scripts” that dictate how people should act depending on their sexes, in specific occasions. These scripts suggest, generally, that women are always the seeker for help. That we are weak, vulnerable, and emotional.

Let’s have a quick checklist!

I want to know if you agree with these:

• Women always need a knight in shining in armor
• Women who love lots of sex should be labeled “sluts, bitches, and nymphomaniacs”.
• Women commit to sex because they feel that if they don’t, their partners will leave them.
• Females should remain prim and proper at all times to attract men.
• Women should avoid jobs that require physical strength because men are more apt to take on those activities.

Well, I can imagine various reactions in your minds right now! But, going back to the two stories above, those are examples of how we must counter the stereotypes set for us. We are no longer in the conservative ages of history. Women are getting freer and freer now and the whole world is becoming more and more aware of that “girl power”. We must be Katniss Everdeen`s in this world full of President Snow`s. Let us alter those scripts or even eliminate them.

Can I get a loud “YES!” from all the ladies reading this?

When Bruno Mars said,

“ You can count on me like 1,2, 3, I’ll be there ‘coz I know when I needed I can count on you like 4, 3, 2, you’ll be there ‘coz that’s what friends are supposed to do oh yeah.” (Count on Me, 2010)

I felt that.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

They say friends are our soul siblings, sister/brothers from different parents. Through the course of our lifetime, we struggle hard to find who our real friends are. However, personally, I define friends as the people I am most comfortable with. I can last hours just sitting around them, saying nothing, but still feel “included”. They can say hurtful things to me without me getting offended. They can appreciate everything about me, even the little ones that even I cannot see myself.

For today’s entry, I challenged some of my friends to see how well they know me.  I asked three of my friends and, surprisingly, they gave both somewhat similar responses and unique ones.  Just a quick background, I met these three people when we were in 5^th grade. We went to summer advanced classes prepared for selected students from public schools in Marikina to aid us with the upcoming entrance exams in the partner scholarship schools for High school.

So, here’s how my “mini experiment” went…

First, I listed my own perception of myself from what I think others think about me. Here’s what I got:

1. Fun to be with
2. Kalog
3. Moody
4. Passionate
5. Always G!

Then, I messaged my friends Allyssa, Noelle, and Paula and asked them this question:

“Without sugarcoating anything, how do you see me as a person?”

And these are their answers:

Allyssa Laconico, 1-AB Psychology, Ateneo de Manila University

Academics- She’s not “hardcore” when it comes to acads. She tends to chill at the same time still being responsible for her requirements.

Relationships/ Friendships- I often see her as the “life of the party” She never fails to make the people around her happy. If I have to repeat myself over and over again, I would still say she is one of the most genuine (real) people I’ve ever met. This characteristic might be a double-edged sword on her part since people can either be offended or amazed by her frankness but I personally prefer it rather than someone who conceals her true feelings.

Noelle Cubacub, 1 AB Sociology, Ateneo de Manila University

At first, one can say that Reyna is a bit unpredictable hahahaha because sometimes, gusto niya ng clingy pero may times na para siyang kapatid na inis na inis sa pangungulit ng kapatid niya. She is a joker pero she knows kung kailan maging serious. She takes care of her responsibilities well and minsan ka lang makakarinig ng no sa kaniya especially if you’re asking for help. She is a tough woman and she always thinks about the decisions that she will be making for herself. She may not be too expressive but she has her own language of love and support to other people.

[At first, one can say that Reyna is a bit unpredictable *laughs* because sometimes she wants to be clingy but there are also time that she’s like a sister who gets annoyed when her siblings tease her. She is a joker but she knows when to be more serious. She takes care of her responsibilities well and you can only seldom hear a “no” from her especially if you’re asking for help. She is a tough woman and she always thinks about the decisions that she will be making for herself. She may not be too expressive but she has her own language of love and support to other people.]

Paula Arganda, 1 AB Political Science, Ateneo de Manila University

Ikaw yung taong lagi masaya tignan from the outside as in like lagi dami energy lalo na sa pagkkpop. And naaalala mo lagi yung mga dates na mahahalaga and lagi gusto mo may binibigay na something kahit minsan gipit ka na like nung first anniv ng friendsary natin tapos nung nagpapabili ka ng food nung bday ni noelle. Tsaka straightforward ka rin na tao kapag hiningi opinion mo sasabihin mo talaga kung ano tingin mo nang walang halong pagsusugarcoat ganon kahit makasakit man basta u know ginagawa mo yun para matauhan sila.

Pero despite sa kabaitan ang kasiglahan na pinapakita ko, ive seen the other side, not the bad things naman pero like during times na down ka ganun. Isa ka sa mga taong sensitive na nakilala ko. LIKE LEGIT NO JOKE. Alam mo to HAHHAHAHHA Moody ka kasi minsan na basta may magtrigger lang sayo badtrip ka at tatahimik ka na lang tapos magsusungit. For example, nung practice nung sayaw for bday ni morts and nung practice niyo sa tapat ng oaa for scholars got talent. Pero despite all of that, nakita ko kung gaano ka katapang at kastrong na tao.

[You are the person who’s always happy from the outside as in full of energy especially when it comes to Kpop. And you always keep track of special dates and you always want to give something for appreciation even though you do not have the means sometimes like during our first friendversary or when you’re asking someone to buy food on Noelle’s birthday. Also, you are a straightforward person when they ask for your opinion. You will really say what you believe in without sugarcoat even if it is hurtful, as long as you know in yourself that it will help them more.

But despite the righteousness and zeal you show, I’ve seen the other side, not exactly the bad things but during the times that you’re really down. You are one of the sensitive people I met. LIKE LEGIT NO JOKE. You know this *laughs*. You are moody because sometimes as long as you’ve been triggered, you will suddenly be in a bad mood and just stay on the side quietly and ignore everyone. For example, when we were practicing for Morts’ birthday and when you’re practicing in front of OAA for Scholars’ Got Talent. But, despite all of that, I’ve seen how brave and strong you are as a person.]

Getting these responses, honestly, got me smiling all day. Not often do we have these “truth times” but when we do, it’s always heartfelt, real, and comforting.

“So, Reyna, now that you got your answers, what is next?”

Well, reading their responses, I can say that the way I view how others see me is somewhat verified. At the very least, it gave me reasons to contemplate more whether this is really the self I want to show others or not. Their answers uplifted my self-esteem and gave me assurance that, indeed, I chose the realest friends. It’s kind of flattering to hear this from my closest friends because I believe that above all people, they know me better. Plus, like I mentioned earlier, we are not that “cheesy” as a barkada/group.

Having this kind of experiment is really fun and appreciative. I got to appreciate myself more because I knew that others already appreciate my personality. I also got to know how I should approach people and how I could keep my friends for life. So, readers, don’t you desire to know about yourself by learning it from others?

For this week’s entry, I will just be talking about my favorite singer: Taylor Swift, and her genius songwriting abilities.

I first fell in love with Taylor Swift back in 2008. Having the mind of a child, I was easily captivated by how she re-imagined the fairytale-like story of Romeo and Juliet, and sang her heart out in her track called “Love Story”. Through the years, she has written over a hundred songs to date but my heart still beats for each unique story she shares. The reason is that for every own experience she puts in a song, it becomes universal to the point that her stories become stories of other people, as well.

What I find most interesting about her lyrics is how they are both written to be direct and hidden. She narrates every detail she experienced which made it direct, yet those details convey a little more about what she cannot directly say about that experience. In the next section, I listed 5 Taylor Swift lyrics that say something about what’s deep down our unconscious. I interconnected it to Sigmund Freud’s defense mechanisms. Let’s see what happens when Taylor Swift meets Sigmund Freud.

“You’re the kind of reckless that should send me running but I kinda know that I won’t get far.” (Sparks Fly, 2010)

The first lyrics are from Sparks Fly in her album “Speak Now”. This song talks about how even though a guy is a “bad idea” and overall totally out of her league, she was still fascinated by the love they share. The lyrics above showed Freud’s Reaction formation where the original material gets pushed down in the unconscious and emerges back as the opposite form. Basically, the song is just about how Taylor is still willing to love even though she knew that love would be bad for her.

“This is looking like a contest of who can act like they’re careless, but I like it better when you were on my side.” (The Story of Us, 2010)

These lyrics are from The Story of Us also in her third album “Speak Now”. This is a song about how some lovers end up after a not-so-good breakup. Taylor is telling us that even though she acts like she’s totally fine about the process, what she really wants is for their “story” to end on a positive note because for her, there are still a lot of things that need to be said. This is a clear example of repression because feelings are kept unsaid and hidden violently even if the best way to deal with those is to actually blurt them out.

“Don’t blame me, your love made me crazy. If it doesn’t you ain’t doin’ it right. Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I’ll be using for the rest of my life.” (Don’t Blame Me, 2017)

Don’t Blame Me is a song that came out from her 6^th and most recent album “Reputation”. In the song, she essentially narrates how every action that her lover does makes her even crazier in love. As the song progresses, she tells the listeners how she is willing to take in everything that her partner is because it is what keeps her going. This tells us about introjection because no matter how ecstatic and generally light she would feel because of their love, she just won’t recognize and acknowledge the feeling.

“’Cause there we are again when I loved you so, back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known. It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.” (All Too Well, 2012)

The fourth entry is from All Too Well in her fourth album “Red”. This is one of my favorite songs because it describes a kind of process that is probably one of the hardest when it comes to loving: the process of moving on. She goes on about how she and her lover spent unforgettable times and how after they’ve broken up, all the memories go back fresh to her whenever she’s in the situation again. It’s just completely sad. This song manifests a sort of regression because the memories are triggered whenever she sees/experiences something similar to what she had experienced; thus, she is forced to come back to that scene again.

“’Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you gotta believe them.” (Fifteen, 2008)

Fifteen is a song about young love and how that young love turned out to be totally wrong and impulsive and fragile. In this song, Taylor reasons out why love can be so dramatic (thus, can most of the time be a failure) when we are young and tells us that finding and losing love when we’re fifteen is completely fine because fifteen’s still too early and we might still find the kind of love we deserve when we get old. Moreover, for her, finding who you really want yourself to be is more important at this age than finding who you want to be with. Rationalization is the best defense mechanism that she showed in this song. She reasons out over a failed relationship and recognizes her mistakes then taking them with her as lessons.

There you have it! The five Taylor Swift song lyrics that speak of our unexpressed feelings are right in front of you. Those are just some of her genius lyrics, who knows she would release more genius ones anytime now? Stay tuned next week!

-Swiftie Signing Out~

References:

Cramer, P. (2000). Defense mechanisms in psychology today: Further processes for adaptation. American Psychologist, 55(6), 637.

Pellitteri, J. (2002). The relationship between emotional intelligence and ego defense mechanisms. The Journal of psychology, 136(2), 182-194.

Try this game!

Click here! http://either.io/

Did you think carefully about the answers you picked for each question?

How did you feel while answering the questions?

The activity you just had is a good way of revealing this week’s topic. Have you ever considered figuring out how you think? What happens inside your mind when you are thinking? Are you really thinking?

Thinking is a process but more importantly, it is constant and ever-changing. What do you think about now may not be your thought the next second. Now, let us see how fast our brain processes things. There are two systems co-existing in our cognitive domain. System 1 is automatic, fast, and intuitive. When faced with a stimuli, the initial reaction, responses, and reflexes are the works of System 1. In the game earlier, you were given choices but there were no context or background about them. What came first in your mind might have been your answer for some items where you know nothing about.

On the other hand, System 2 is slower, reflective, and analytical. For instance, someone who courts a girl, gives her his time, waits for her after class or work, does stuff that entails effort.. NOW THAT GUY IS SYSTEM 2! In this system, attention and focus are much more required to evaluate an action. Strong as this system may look, System 2 is still dependent on System 1. System 1 collects everything it knows about the situation then forwards it to System 2 if it cannot solve the task. Although these two systems have different functions, they work together to evaluate the situation. How we think and respond to things in our environment now is a combined effort of our System 1 and System 2!

Our experiences are also evaluated by our mind. Our minds set conditions for us to either avoid or go with the same experience next time. Kahneman and Tverskey (1999) proposed that individuals evaluate an experience only on the peak and end of that event. If the peak and/or the end is too intense and powerful, all the other mini events in that experience becomes nothing. That is why some people would still go for a much shorter but more impactful experience than a long but monotonous one.

I am fond of writing. Maybe all of us are, or at least we used to, have diaries and secret notes where we put all our thoughts and experiences for the day. I have had more than 10 diaries since grade school and until now I write but only occasionally because there is Twitter now and other social networking sites that become platforms for expressions of daily life. Long story short, when I write about my day, I spend most of the pages for the “highlight” of my day like instances when I see my crush, or when I fail my math quizzes. I agree that, evidently, I get to share more about these experiences because those are the peak of my days and somehow, if not always, they have the greatest impact on how my days end. Similarly, when I read back to my grade school diaries, it gets me those nostalgic feelings of specifically noteworthy experiences because little did I know that I write about them the most. Conclusion? Keeping diaries are helpful!

See you next time for another mini lecture in Reyna’s blog! I hope you learned something like how I share what I learn in PSY-E class. 🙂

References:

Kahneman, D., Krueger, A. B., Schkade, D., Schwarz, N., & Stone, A. A. (2006). Would you be happier if you were richer? A focusing illusion. science, 312(5782), 1908-1910.
Bhalla. (2018, October 05). Kahneman’s Mind-Clarifying Strangers: System 1 & System 2. Retrieved February 21, 2019, from https://bigthink.com/errors-we-live-by/kahnemans-mind-clarifying-biases.

Often times, we here this advice whenever we are faced with a dilemma or when in a very nervous situation: “Just be yourself”. But, I have given it much thought now that when I get the same tip next time, it can lead to even more confusion than resolution to my problems.

How can I say so?

The self is very vague. For instance, during the start of the semester, I cannot simply tell the class about my physical appearances when the professor asks me to introduce myself. Of course it would be a little too mundane to state the obvious. I will have to tell the class now something worth listening to, something like my likes and anything very interesting about me. Perhaps, I would tell them about my celebrity crushes or more.. OOPS!

What do I tell the class now?

Well, that depends on the situation. Since I want to establish a good reputation as a student, I am more likely to say that I am a scholar. Surprisingly, this scholar identity of mine is just one of my identities! When I am at home, I become the bossy daughter. When I am with friends, I become the Jejemon in the squad. To list down my identities would take forever! However, I want to emphasize that there are certain factors that influence the development of these identities. And I want to acknowledge that biggest factor in this blog…

GLOBALIZATION!!! HOORAY!

Well, admit it or not, the thing now is globalization becomes more than just a hot topic. It is a life-changing, naturally-occurring, inevitable phenomena. Let’s put a serious note here, Hermans (2015), in his article “Human Development in Today’s Globalizing World: Implications for Self and Identity” mentioned that globalization plays a vital role in the development of a person through the different advances in technology and the people’s way of life. Well, for me, it becomes more natural now that people always go for the transcendental choice, for something that will yield to a bigger result than just the normal ones. That is exactly the reason why people always invent things and discover something. We constantly look for that “something” which can make us self-actualized. Therefore, because things go global more easily now, we can now have access to ways how we could find “that” thing we are looking for.

That sounded too reflective but for instance, I want to find out the best museums all over the world, I do not have to look for an atlas or conduct researches in libraries anymore. The Internet has it for me. It easily classifies the things I want to know for me. (Thanks, WWW!) Although we cannot neglect the good things this advanced technology has brought for us, there are still some bad side to it. Hermans quoted it in his article too, calling it as the “Janus-faced Nature of Globalization”.

(Some side info before we proceed: Janus is the god of transitions, gates, beginnings, and endings. He is usually shown with two faces in his head: one in front that looks into the future, and one at the back that recalls the past.)

“Reyna, do you mean this one?”

OH, NO! This one…

This access to information passed around the globe through the Internet also decides some of our identities; therefore, enabling us to develop hybrid identities or the mixture of two or more of our identities, specifically, global and local identities. Say, for example, my local identity is being an Atenean, studying in the Ateneo which is in the Philippines, where I am a born. Being an Atenean entitles me to some values that only me and the other Ateneans share (Magis, Cura Personalis, etc.) To link it with a global identity of mine, there is this organization in the campus that pools and connects Kpop fans in Ateneo. Kpop, as we all know is a global phenomenon now making its own stage in the musical arena worldwide. Joining this organization enables me to manifest my local identity of being an Atenean, as well as my global identity of being a Kpop fan. In this sense, it becomes one of my hybrid identities.

Now, let us get back to the first part of my blog, what do I do now when people ask me to “just be myself”?

The answer is simple, look deeply into the situation and bring out the identity that best matches the circumstances. Realizing that I have multiple identities as a person, I have become more reflective on my actions and pondered more about my different “selves”. It is amazing that the self is so complex and vast. Before, I know it as only just me being a daughter, a student, etc. I did not realize that in almost every aspect of my life, I can develop a self. This, I think, is what makes the self valuable. It is composed of a lot of tiny details that when taken away or forgotten, ruins everything. Therefore, I become more concerned now about what is going on with myself. I care about what I eat, what time I sleep, my behavior when talking to others, my attitudes when I am with friends, etc. Having this kind of understanding of the self really helped me become more attentive and careful with my actions, not just for myself but also for others.

References: Hermans, H. J. (2015). Human Development in Today’s Globalizing World. In The Oxford handbook of human development and culture.

Britannica, T. E. (2018, February 14). Janus. Retrieved February 08, 2019, from https://www.britannica.com/topic/Janus-Roman-god